At the start of the year, my siblings and I sadly lost our dad, and our daughter lost her grandad, he was also a father-in-law and husband of almost 45 years to our Mum.<\/p>
I always thought he would keep going and be there for years to come, but he passed away peacefully with many of us by his bedside. Even so, it still hurts. He would not see our daughter, his granddaughter, celebrate her third birthday, but he had already helped shape who she is becoming.<\/p>
Initially, I found myself looking back and wondering what could have been different. What more could we have done? What conversations should we have had? After months of grieving and reflection, I realised I would not change anything. I have no regrets, apart from wishing I could have him back, calling us daily for updates and checking in on us and his \"princess\".<\/p>
I often thought about the change curve, though for the first time it had nothing to do with redundancy, workplace transformation, or organisational change. My dad did more for me than most fathers ever could, and in more ways than not, we were very similar. We both spent too much time looking backwards and not enough time appreciating the present.<\/p>
Growing up, we were a working-class family with a rich family history on both sides. My mum and dad worked opposite shifts to pay the mortgage, cover the bills, and provide for me and my siblings. Before having children, they were both fashionable and loved the latest trends, and then family took priority.<\/p>
Christmas was my dad's favourite time of year. I rarely asked for much or anything at all, but somehow my parents always found a way to get us the things we might need and would cherish. It made my dad proud to do that for us.<\/p>
Even now, I can still hear my parents wrapping presents downstairs on Christmas Eve. The staircase in our old cottage had open slats, and I would peer through the gaps trying to catch a glimpse of Father Christmas' work in progress. Usually we were told off and sent straight back to bed.<\/p>
One Christmas, our daughter's first in our new home, my dad bought me a Bosch drill set. I felt guilty accepting it because he had struggled after being made redundant during the pandemic, and his knees had begun to get worse, they kept giving way since 2017. One of his first acts after retiring was to buy me that drill set. But that was my dad. He would sacrifice his own comfort to help others and not complain about his pain.<\/p>
Helping people was one of his defining qualities. From a young age, he taught me what it meant to help others without expecting anything in return. It is one of the greatest lessons he ever gave me.<\/p>
My dad was a plasterer by trade, so from a young age I knew how to mix plaster and cement. As I grew older, I worked alongside him a lot, listening to his stories and memories. I changed my first plug at a young age and still remember both my dad and grandad congratulating me afterwards.<\/p>
He taught me practical skills in countless ways. We repaired the flat roof on my parents' house together after poor workmanship by a previous owner caused it to fail. I still remember my mum and I desperately trying to keep a bucket from overflowing as water poured through the ceiling and then the ceiling collapsing. We also rendered the house and laid pathways together. We put up our kitchen together too.<\/p>
Those experiences taught me the value of hard work and why it is important.<\/p><\/blockquote>
While I was at college, I worked long hours in retail alongside my studies. Looking back, I am not even sure it would be allowed today. If I could go back and give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be this: fit more study time in.<\/p>
Although you should never help others expecting anything in return, I always tried to support my parents, and never asked for much. It felt like a small way of repaying the love, sacrifices, and opportunities they had given me.<\/p>
Those journeys became valuable time together, talking, listening, questioning, and learning.<\/p>
My dad encouraged all of my interests. Whether it was karate at primary school, guitar, football, or any other hobby, my parents always found a way to support me despite having very little money. They wanted me to have opportunities to learn and grow.<\/p>
Like my dad, I was a fast runner when I was younger. His own father had been a Sergeant Major in the Parachute Regiment and pushed him hard as a child.<\/p>
As I grew older, I learned more about my dad's childhood and began to understand some of the challenges he faced and why he would not push me so hard.<\/p>
Life had not always been kind to him. Family relationships were often complicated, and he experienced difficulties at an age when most children should simply be enjoying their childhood. Looking back, I can see that some of those experiences shaped him throughout his life.<\/p>
At just twelve years old, he found himself dealing with situations that no child should ever have to face within their own family, and I know this had a devasting impact on him throughout his life.<\/p>
Understanding that part of his story helped me appreciate what he achieved as a father. He was not perfect - none of us are - but he worked hard to give his children a more stable, loving, and supportive upbringing than the one he had experienced himself.<\/p>
That is one of the things I admire most about him. It would have been easy to repeat the same cycle as his parents, but instead he chose to create different memories for his children. He encouraged our interests, supported our ambitions, and made sure we knew we were loved.<\/p>
As I have grown older, I have realised that some of the strongest people are not those who have had easy lives but judge others. They are the people who carry difficult experiences with them and still choose kindness, generosity, and love.<\/p>
Part of me wonders whether I might have achieved more academically if the importance of education had been emphasised more strongly and family life was more straight forward. But ultimately, while our circumstances shape us, we still have choices about the people we become.<\/p>
Losing my dad has made me reflect on what learning really means.<\/p><\/blockquote>
When I think about the lessons that have stayed with me throughout my life, very few came from textbooks or formal lessons. Most came from people. They came from conversations, shared experiences, stories, music, mistakes, and simply spending time together.<\/p>
My dad probably never realised how much he was teaching me. Whether we were working on a roof, driving to a job or his work, listening to music, being in the kitchen or talking about life, I was learning. Not because he sat me down and taught me, but because I was spending time with someone who cared.<\/p>
Since becoming a parent myself, I have come to realise that children learn in much the same way. They learn through connection, curiosity, observation, and everyday experiences. The moments may seem small at the time, but years later they often become the memories and lessons we carry with us.<\/p>
In many ways, that understanding helped shape Cognitees. Looking back, I realised that many of the lessons I carried into adulthood came from ordinary moments with my dad rather than formal lessons. As a parent, I wanted to create more opportunities for those everyday learning moments with my own daughter.<\/p>
The idea behind Cognitees is not simply educational clothing. It is about creating opportunities for conversation, curiosity, and shared experiences between parents, grandparents, carers, and children. The educational designs are intended to spark interaction, encourage questions, and help make learning part of everyday life.<\/p>
Many parents worry they are not doing enough to support their child's development. Life is busy, screens compete for attention, and time often feels limited. Yet some of the most powerful learning opportunities happen during ordinary moments together.<\/p>
If there is one thing my dad taught me, it is that some of the most important lessons in life happen when we are not even aware that learning is taking place.<\/p>
My taste in music is heavily influenced by him too.<\/p>
He loved talking about the concerts he attended when he was younger, seeing artists such as BB King and Tina Turner. We went to many gigs together across many venues and shared a love of music across different genres. We would share our Compact Discs and when one of us bought new music would listen to it too, sometimes we would be puzzled where particular CDs were.<\/p>
One Father's Day, I surprised him with tickets to see Bad Company at Wembley Arena, London, England. We still talked about that concert because the people behind us spent most of the evening whistling loudly. Despite that, he absolutely loved it. As always, I came away learning more about Bad Company, Free, Paul Rodgers, and the music he loved and had on vinyl.<\/p>
Music has a remarkable ability to trigger memories. Sometimes a song can transport you back to a particular place, person, or moment in time. So press play.<\/p>
I still remember sitting with one of my dad's records spinning on the turntable, listening through his red-and-white headphones he had from the 1970s. He would carefully pull out each vinyl LP and tell me the stories behind the music, opening the sleeves as though they were storybooks waiting to be read. Not forgetting explaining how to handle to record.<\/p>
Those stories, those songs, and those moments are some of the greatest gifts he ever gave me.<\/p>
Although my dad is no longer here, the lessons he taught me remain. They influence how I live, how I parent, and how I think about learning.<\/p>
Perhaps that is one of the hardest and most beautiful parts of grief. We lose the person, but we keep the memories, the values, the stories, and the lessons they left behind.<\/p>
And if we are lucky, we pass them on to the next generation.<\/p>
James<\/p>","urlTitle":"bereavement","url":"\/blog\/bereavement\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/bereavement\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/cognitees.com\/blog\/bereavement\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1779792961,"updatedAt":1783608921,"publishedAt":1783608921,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":403392,"name":"Cognitees"},"tags":[],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/kzvm5q2z3dye4zwpeugjyhrfeoek1akax5a5hyvvtj2t0szf.png","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/kzvm5q2z3dye4zwpeugjyhrfeoek1akax5a5hyvvtj2t0szf.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/kzvm5q2z3dye4zwpeugjyhrfeoek1akax5a5hyvvtj2t0szf.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"Losing My Dad and Learning","metaDescription":"","keyPhraseCampaignId":122962,"series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":51648,"title":"Education: The Common Ground in a Fractured World","url":"\/blog\/common-ground-in-a-fractured-world\/","urlTitle":"common-ground-in-a-fractured-world","division":403392,"description":"In today\u2019s world, it\u2019s easy to feel overwhelmed. \u00a0Every news headline seems to highlight division, political tension, cultural conflict, economic inequality, and growing uncertainty about the future. It\u2019s heart-breaking. But there is one thing that consistently beats division.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/kh0yrjw6hbeeycefjtqu0acdgurborkz9y6oaqh1pznggzwa.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/kh0yrjw6hbeeycefjtqu0acdgurborkz9y6oaqh1pznggzwa.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":53890,"title":"New Year, New Baby: Simple Ways to Support Your Little One\u2019s Development Through Everyday Clothing","url":"\/blog\/new-baby-development-through-clothing\/","urlTitle":"new-baby-development-through-clothing","division":403392,"description":"Discover how everyday clothing can support your newborn\u2019s visual and early learning development. High, contrast, educational clothing designed for parents and babies.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/rifb3p9waimlapzidmv2bcjnmkmqvvmiayvzx8knotsiujup.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/rifb3p9waimlapzidmv2bcjnmkmqvvmiayvzx8knotsiujup.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":50717,"title":"Learning at Home: The Power of Everyday Moments","url":"\/blog\/learning-at-home-through-everyday-moments\/","urlTitle":"learning-at-home-through-everyday-moments","division":403392,"description":"Discover how everyday moments at home support learning. Cognitees\u2019s educational t-shirts turn clothing into micro-learning for children.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/jga47hkmtt30qd0y8qrkjnpi8bnlrcl58qc5kk5hs4nveggu.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855&z=1.4&fx=0.47201150606685&fy=0.35714285714286","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/jga47hkmtt30qd0y8qrkjnpi8bnlrcl58qc5kk5hs4nveggu.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440&z=1.4&fx=0.47201150606685&fy=0.35714285714286"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}